SUPPORT FOR MIXED ORIENTATION MARRIAGES
When a spouse comes out, you might wonder if your marriage can survive
You need resources that specifically address the questions you're grappling with
If you want to
-
Have confidence in your decisions
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Increase your self-respect, even in uncertainty
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Honor autonomy with dignity (yours and your partner’s)
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Increase your capacity for loving relationships
You need a solid framework.
Why the focus on mixed-orientation marriages?
Because in my graduate program for Marriage and Family Therapy, my professors taught us to work with
- straight couples
- same-sex couples
- polyamorous groups
- blended families
But no one mentioned working with couples where one was gay and the other was straight.
And that mattered to me!
Because after eighteen years of marriage, my husband told me he was gay.
And although my professors were teaching me so much about relationships, they didn't understand why someone who was gay would be married to a woman unless he was coerced. And at the time, I didn't understand it either.
Maybe like me, you've wondered
- Am I just a beard?
- Am I in the way of something better for my spouse?
- Is my spouse attracted to me?
- What does this mean for us long-term?
In my search for answers, I discovered something very important...
In most relationships, what initially ignited a spark might later smother the flame.
Mixed-orientation marriages are not the exception.
If you've ever
- Relied on your partner to make you feel better
- Looked to your partner for reassurance when you felt sad, scared or insecure
- Avoided your partner because you didn't like how you felt with them
I have too! Yet, these things may be smothering attraction. Who knew, right?!
And that's just the start!
If you're considering ending a marriage because your spouse isn't attracted to you
And you want to be sure, you will need a framework that helps you know what's possible and what isn't.
I'm Heidi and I've been where you are
And, as a couples therapist, I've been on the other side of dozens of marriages and I've seen what works. If you're interested in making sure you're applying the right information before you make a crucial choice
you're in the right place.
Marriage and Family Therapy Degree
from the University of Nebraska and a trained couples coach
Mom of 5
I’ve felt the demands of parenting while trying to figure out crucial things in my own marriage.
Educator
Undergraduate degree in education and invested in sharing essential information in an approachable way.
Focus on what you can control and change how you feel no matter what happens in your marriage!
Tailored for one or both partners. So you don't have to wait for another person's readiness to begin.
"Heidi's coaching saved my marriage.
She was the one of the very few who believed my marriage could be saved! But more than that, she helped me see HOW.
I had to shift some myths and societal teachings that were hurting me and causing unnecessary stress and suffering.
If you are in a mixed orientation marriage, I HIGHLY recommend Heidi and her work."
-Anonymous
“When I discovered my husband was gay, my world felt like it had been turned upside down.
Heidi was an invaluable source of comfort and clarity during that overwhelming time.
Because she understood what I was going through, she became a safe and compassionate sounding board.
She asked the hard questions I needed to consider, but always with empathy and without ever telling me what to do.
Heidi listened deeply and helped me think about what I truly wanted for my life. It was the hardest experience I’ve ever faced, and having her by my side made all the difference.
She was a steady, life-saving presence in the middle of a very rough storm.”
-AB
"After 32 years of marriage, my husband told me "I feel I am transgender and would like to explore my feelings further."
I knew I needed help navigating the changing dynamics in my marriage and in myself.
I was fortunate to find Heidi.
Right away I discovered she was an astute listener and mindful responder. She respected my faith values.
We discussed choices, changes, and consequences as they affected my life and marriage.
After a number of sessions
I began recognizing my inner growth, understanding and a more honest me."
-DD
FREE GUIDE
When Your Spouse Comes Out
9 Tools to Help You Find Your Footing
A compassionate, practical guide for straight spouses navigating LGBTQ+ disclosure or discovery.
When my husband disclosed his same-sex attraction after 18 years of marriage, life as I had known it changed forever.
You don’t have to have all the answers right now. This guide contains some foundational tools to help you find relief now.
Contact Me
heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com
The content provided by Complex Couples Coaching, a division of Heidi V. Applegarth, LLC, is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any condition, nor does it substitute for professional mental health services.
Participation in coaching, courses, or the use of educational materials does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are in crisis or need mental health treatment, please contact a licensed therapist or emergency service in your area.
