The Problem with “I Know How You Feel”

In this episode, I share a personal story from hiking Machu Picchu to illustrate something that quietly damages many relationships: assuming we know why our partner feels the way they feel.

Misunderstanding emotions is one of the most common communication problems in marriage. It often happens when we assume instead of asking.

It’s easy to interpret tears, anger, silence, or frustration through our own lens. But assumptions often miss the deeper truth. When we assume instead of asking, communication suffers.

There’s even a moment in this episode where I catch myself doing it. See if you can spot it. This is a hard habit to break.

A quick clarification: noticing someone’s emotion is not the same thing as assuming why they feel it. Saying something like, “It seems like you're angry right now… am I reading that right?” can be a way of checking your understanding.

The problem comes when we assume we already know the reason behind someone’s feelings.

We talk about:

• Why emotional assumptions create misunderstanding
  • How misreading anger or upset escalates conflict
  • Why curiosity is more powerful than certainty
  • A simple shift that can change the tone of hard conversations

If you’ve ever been told, “I hate it when you assume you know what I’m thinking,” this episode is for you.

This Week’s Invitation

Instead of reacting, what happens when you pause and ask?

You might be surprised how often the story you’re telling yourself about your partner’s feelings isn’t the story they would tell.

Connect

Have questions?
Have a story to share?

Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions

If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.

If you’d like to learn more, I created a free guide called:
“When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 Practical Tools to Help You Navigate the Aftermath of Disclosure or Discovery.” You can download it here.

Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com

Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.